Watch, this!

Ethan Gear 18 November 2023

Watch, This!

“Would you happen to know what month of the year it is?”

“No, I… I truly wouldn’t. I’m sorry pilgrim.”

- Jeremiah Johnson and Bear Claw Chris Lapp, Jeremiah Johnson

A true mountain man has no need of a watch, his schedule is dictated by daylight and season. The order that civilized man imposes on the world - time, space, rights - are meaningless to someone who does what he will, when he will, regardless of what anyone else thinks of the matter.

They have to live in the mountains for a reason, though; a city, a town, even a village composed of such individuals would rapidly descend into chaos. Several years ago, a group of hardcore Libertarian Party activists all moved to a town in New Hampshire, taking it over by outnumbering the original residents, electing themselves into positions of power, and dismantling the local government in the name of minimalist interventionism.

They wound up being overrun by bears; they wanted to be Jeremiah Johnson, but didn't have the chops to back it up.

Now, this is not a political piece, and this should not be taken as either a rejection of government minimalism as a practical philosophy or as an endorsement of uncritical support of authoritarianism.

This is about watches.

Wait, What?

Watches are symbols, representing order imposed on time. The nicer the watch, the more money spent on it, the more you appear to value your time. Different kinds of watches suggest how you spend your time. Size, shape, material, colors, all suggest details, telling you something about the other person... or telling them what you want them to think about you.

Rolex is considered a luxury brand, but their claim to fame is the "Oyster" case, hermetically sealed against dust and water while still allowing adjustment. "My time is important enough to spend extra money to make it slightly more accurate; the gold and diamonds are to make sure you know it."

Timex, "Takes a licking and keeps on ticking," made their reputation on physically tough, accessibly-priced watches. A "working man's" accessory, it suggested a hard-nosed, no nonsense approach to the world.

Seiko and Casio are Japanese brands who revolutionized watches, Seiko with automatic and quartz watches, Casio with digital and multifunctional watches. These became something of a symbol of progressivism, Casio somewhat more active and casual, Seiko more formal, but both suggesting an openness to new ideas.

The "Swatch" brand from the 1980s was an interesting example, as they were explicitly inexpensive and toy-like, suggesting frivolity and a carefree, lackadaisical approach to time. They still make watches, and are still mid-lower tier fashion items, but are significantly more restrained than their earlier models.

Even then, though, it suggested some level of cooperation and organization; "Synchronize Swatches!" was the catchphrase of an otherwise forgettable high school sitcom as they began their planned hijinx and good-natured rivalry with (but ultimately subservience to!) the relevant authority figures.

Modern Watches

Many of us thought that watches were relegated to fashion items with the widespread adoption of the cell phone; why do we need a separate tool to track time when our phone does that, and many other things besides?

Well, if it is features that you want, Capital will provide! Beyond the calculator and stopwatch functions, various gadgets have been added over the years, up to the ability to connect to your cell phone and access its features without removing from your pocket. Health monitor functions, from pedometers to heart, sleep, and stress disorder detection, are commonly available, and some smart watches even support video calling.

Here are some examples of different kinds of watches, with suggestions:

Analog Watches

Timex Easy Reader https://amzn.to/3MPaTD4

Casio Military https://amzn.to/3SHqbxw

Seiko Essentials https://amzn.to/3QJEgrK

Digital Watches

Timex Ironman https://amzn.to/40MZkBZ

Casio Illuminator https://amzn.to/3sKbYFp

Seiko Prospex Fieldmaster https://amzn.to/3G8tPZW

Outdoor Watches

Timex Expedition Scout https://amzn.to/3R6pQmK

Casio G-Shock https://amzn.to/3G5DRdZ